There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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