she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
