I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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