first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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