Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
