maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
