Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
