Got a toothbrush?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
