dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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