i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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