have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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