turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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