There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
