he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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