some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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