you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
