Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
