So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
