I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
