and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
