apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
