so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
