I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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