how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
