I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
