he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I understand Curling. That high.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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