make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
