In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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