So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
