Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
