This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
