so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
