billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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