All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
