Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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