"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
