Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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