Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
40s are totally the cure
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
