Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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