is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
