dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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