Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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