It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
