the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
