Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
