You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
