Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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