rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
