KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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