its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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