sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Come see our sink grown plant.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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