she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
